EDEN

Good morning Travellers,

Not as early as I had hoped to be honest. I have a list of things I’m working on changing and getting up at 5am is one of those things. So far, no dice, I mean I got up in the 5 o’clock hour but not quite on the bullseye yet…trying again tomorrow…

Let’s talk about growth, because there is change and then there is growing…one of the small joys of my life is my garden. And when I’m out in my little patio garden THIS is the song I think of..it’s a joy song..

This year the day I began planting my garden was actually the day my ex was packing his stuff up to move out. And I clearly remember thinking how it seemed here I was creating something new, while he was disassembling his life. Our life. Sounds dramatic, but creation and destruction seem to often exist side by side, we just tend to be so focused on one that we miss the other I think…so here is the beginning of my garden…

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I’ve been told many times that I have a green thumb. Maybe or maybe not. What I’ve learned is that like so many things in life, it’s the foundation that makes plants grow. You need good soil and a fertilizing schedule. I use organic soil and organic fertilizer, because I’m going to eat these veggies, and by organic I mean stinky gross smelling soil and really gross liquid fertilizer which has algae and fish poop and fish stuff in it…castings from some dead things..which again, dead grossness gives rise to beautiful life…also, this year we have had so much rain, and I want to make sure when I show you what the garden looks like now that I give credit where credit is due…I was having a conversation at the plant nursery with one of the ladies there about how miraculous rain water is, she called it “God water” which is gonna stay with me for the long haul…

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Just for reference, the first picture was taken on April 20 and these two were taken on Sunday, June 16, so less than two months have gone by, and I would swear it’s grown in the past two days…AND I’ve already been harvesting cherry tomatoes, kale, chard and strawberries, which NEVER happens this early…despite the rain, because it was abit much, everything has grown and this has been a really lovely Spring against the backdrop of my marriage collapsing. Again, death and life, side by side.

When I am out here gardening, my heart fills with joy and I feel at peace. It seems the world is full of possibilities.  I think humans forget our place, which is in nature. Because we forget our nature, which is an animal, like all the other animals. I think our souls synch up in nature unlike any other place. I do wish growth for me was as easy as it has seemed to be for this garden. The garden isn’t going to survive past late fall, but I will still be here. Maybe if we took that life span into account, it’s really moving at a more proportional speed, if that makes sense. But I go back to the foundation issue, and I’m in the process of examining mine. Am I giving myself what I need to grow? I mentioned the eating well and movement, but I also think creating time is huge, thus chasing the 5am rise, and having peace. Stress management and sleep and hydration, life as a human is abit more complicated isn’t it? And I’m trying to sort out what matters to me, what do I want to do with my time and what are the things that I do that will help me grow. Because when my husband left, my foundation shifted.

Years ago a friend of mine, and by years we were in our 20s, he said to never get comfortable in life because you will stop growing. Stop reaching and you will just settle in. Pretty sure that’s where I have been for some time now, which seems like a first world problem, but it’s also my life. Some of my foundation is good and some of it has to change, which is a struggle. I’m not sure why but it is…

I believe I am on the journey into that arena Brene Brown talks about and when I type those words, it makes my eyes well up. And this will sound really nuts, but it’s calling me, my braver life. And if you haven’t read any Brene Brown, you should…I’ve always had dreams but no real skills to bring them to fruition. I can see the end goal, the awesome sauce, but the path there is not clear. And the journey really is our life.

I realized recently that I was raised in the environment of survival not growth. It took me awhile to sort that out. Years to be precise. I wasn’t taught now to grow and i do think that is something parents should instill in their kids. I feel like I’m lacking in any understanding of how to bring a different life to my life. Maybe we all feel that way, I don’t know, but  I’ve decided no matter how ill change makes me feel, I want to bloom like my garden and grow in the sun AND the rain. Even it it takes me longer along the way. AND find a way to enjoy the along the way…

I used to add movies to watch at the end of my little dialogue, so I have one for this..it’s called “Something New” and really there are two things here, I have a massive backyard like Sanaa Lathan’s character and I would love to have a landscaping architect to do my yard, especially if it’s Simon Baker. Who i rarely find hot, but here he is… Second, it’s not so much the greatest movie ever made, but they have great chemistry and it’s sexy…so perfect summer fodder…

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