I have to tell you whenever I type Ciao, I think of Eddie Izzard in THIS skit…his comedic prowess is really beyond compare. Take a few moments, I insist, it will brighten your morning and then we can reach an agreed understanding that when I type Ciao, you hear his voice, like I do…
Last night my brother from another mother and I were talking about the ramifications of me pursuing this little venture here on a grander scale. You see I’m getting business cards made, I know that’s probably not the normal approach to find readers but I’m an unusual girl who employs these types of unusual methods. Because I was raised in the tactile world where we liked to touch things versus just look at them on a flat monitor. I’m a fan still of reading books that I hold, and shopping in stores where I can touch the clothes. I see the cards as an invitation that I can’t extend in the same way virtually. And I’ve decided to just treat all of this as a great adventure and on great adventures we are brave and try new things.
We were also talking about my mother and what will happen when she eventually finds her way here, although I’m not sure such a world exists, because she is not a technologically savvy human. BUT let’s say for arguments sake she and my wasband are reading right now. I would say Hello there, I’m glad you are here to witness me telling my story. My piece of the story because that’s how these things go, all the stories in life have multiple players that each hold a small piece of the canon of life. It’s called my point of view.
I would tell them both, I mean you no harm, but I will not in fact stay quiet any longer because I did just that all my life. Look where that got me. I allowed myself to be made small and scared and silent. And I just always felt like everything that went wrong was my fault no matter if it was something I chose or not. I felt shame for who I was. I am slowly learning that I don’t deserve that. No one deserves that. In truth, we all have the right to tell our story and I’m not here to drag anyone down. This isn’t a story about revenge. I’m just here to learn and set us all free.
I know that sounds lofty but in truth, but I’ll say it again, we all have the right to tell our Story, not just me. And we should because we could learn so much more if there was an accord of understanding that stories don’t need a designated hero versus villain. I’m not asking for anyone to root for me versus a perceived foe. Our lives are not fictitious movies. No one needs to root for one character and wish for others to suffer for what they’ve done. Because if we are honest, we have all been the villain and the hero at different points in our own life.
We are not a two dimensional species who actions can be summed up neatly in two small words. We are faceted like diamonds. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that before. And depending on the angle of the viewer is going to depend on what you see. Our experiences color how we listen and interpret other human’s stories. Our prejudices and fears and beliefs formed from our own lives challenge what other people say to us. But we are each never just good or just bad people. We are all just people making choices…
My dog Lou and I have this little dialogue about her behavior most days. In honesty, I was a yeller until somewhere here in the past year. I don’t believe in hitting animals to punish them, because I’m not sure that really communicates the desired effect for me. But for some reason I thought yelling at them would do the trick. I don’t remember how I finally realized I was failing there, but thankfully I did. Because I’m sure I looked like an idiot on our walks yelling at her and I was the idiot.
Lou is smart, like rocket scientist smart so I’m pretty sure she understands just being spoken to. Actually all four of my furry crew seem to understand just watching the way they respond with their body language or a glance. Anyways it goes like this…she may growl at Faline or lurch at her for no reason and I say, “Lou, Lou, your feelings are valid, but you need to make better choices. Choose better behavior.” Make good choices is what I say to them when I leave the house and I know she’s hearing me, don’t know how, but there has been a shift.
I think for me that little dialogue is what I’m working out for myself here and why I think we should share our stories, because all my feelings are valid. All your feelings are valid. We have a right to feel, BUT we also have to work towards making better choices in all the ways possible. I feel like my coming back to writing here for me is making a better choice for my own life. Because sometimes a person just decides to show strangers the map of where they have been in hopes that it might help you find your own way in the vastness of this life.