Into the darkness we go…

It’s a dark stormy Wednesday in Kansas Travellers,

Between 5:30 and 5:45am we set off into the early murky morning. On my block the only street light is between my neighbors driveway and mine. After that the only lights are on the houses until the very end of the street where there is another lamppost. Kansas isn’t big on illuminating their neighborhoods for some reason, no matter where you go.

It’s funny how the darkness sort of tucks houses away who don’t have porch lights. They sort of vanish until you look very hard and see the outline of their structure. And let me tell you, the world is largely asleep at this hour. I think we are rare Travellers at this time which has a sort of flavor to it that I very much enjoy. It feels like we are brave explorers out in the world that few fail to realize is quite astonishing at this time of day.
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Swim

It’s abit later than I like to arrive here Travellers,

I’m not making the 5am rise with any kind of grace yet. I say yet, because I keep setting the alarm for 5:07am, but I find I don’t really wake up until after 5:30am. I’m reminded how discouraging it is for us all to change which is why we don’t, isn’t it? Why is so fucking hard to change these behaviors? Or maybe it’s just me…that’s where my head has been the last two days, it’s me…

I’ve been trying to sort out an analogy of how I feel inside lately. At my last therapy appointment, we were  peripherally discussing socializing and I told I’m not fully baked for that yet. I’m not ready. I don’t want anyone in that space because I just can’t while I’m like this..this as in trying to grow by myself.

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