Storms

Good morning Travellers,

It’s a rainy one, all night, all morning. Think there’s been more rain here this year than any year of my entire life, no matter where I’ve lived. Rain. Rain. Rain.

Sometimes I feel like it’s trying to wash away something…(Listen and insert Bon Iver)

Last night, as the storm was coming, it was really quite beautiful…there’s is a strange beauty in chaos isn’t there? Though I’m not sure storms are really chaos, are they? I really liked how the sky looked like it was swelling around the sun, swathing it in darkness…this is around 7pm..it made a sunshine belly button in the sky…

Continue reading “Storms”

Where is the OFF switch?

Hello Travellers,

The past few days of life here in Kansas have been without fanfare. By which I mean, there have been no wonderful morning walks due to the heat, humidity and rain. AND there have no discernible sunrises or sunsets. No beautiful skies, no lovely colors. The days have just lit themselves like someone was using a dimmer switch. Light slides on, light slides off. In fact this morning, I decided to dub this week, the Days of Malaise, because I’ve been having an equally rough time as well.

2F213FCF-99ED-48AC-906F-99BD3420BB25

In fact, I came here to write yesterday and just could not unclog myself to find the words. I typed out a little something but it felt so empty. Same with Sunday and Tuesday. It’s really abit upsetting because I have been so in tune with myself or my muse and then POOF, nope, just gone. Usually when I sit down in front of the screen, the words find themselves and pour out onto the page. Even today, I can feel abit of resistance, but I decided no matter what I come up with I’m putting it out in the world. Because we each have to embrace our story in all it’s ugliness and glory.

Continue reading “Where is the OFF switch?”

Happiness, it’s complicated

Helllooooooo Travellers,

It’s Friday and we had what may be, dare I even say it, the finest walk of our lives. It’s in the 60s, humidity gone, the air was crisp and the world felt freshly plucked. I left at 6am versus the usual 5:30 and the edges of the horizon were the color of ripe cantaloupe that eventually faded to wispy pinks and blues. The owls were hooting as we walked down our street and as we turned the corner, I could hear the rooster doing his thing. Apparently he felt this was a fine day as well, because he was still at it on our way home, that’s 40 minutes of cock-a-doodle-doing, or rather overdoing as I’m sure the neighbors must think…

Yesterday in therapy, we talked about something that I am working on and I can’t help but think others may be as well, so here we go…

I don’t trust happiness. I’ve not trusted it most of life.

I’ll elaborate…

Continue reading “Happiness, it’s complicated”

Therapy isn’t a dirty word

Hello Travellers,

Today is therapy day for me. I’ve been going now since November of last year with a well paced regularity. I would say it has changed my life and helped me save my life. And the best part I’m discovering is it’s evolutionary in nature, meaning where I began I am no longer, now I am somewhere new and I know there are miles to go. Miles that I am ready to travel now. Something that’s a really big deal for me is that I have no idea what the future holds and I AM OK WITH THAT.

Let’s be honest though, not all my therapy experiences have been like this, and because I’m here to have an honest conversation, I think I have to tell all the stories.

Continue reading “Therapy isn’t a dirty word”

Have you seen my doppelgänger?

And Oh Travellers,

It’s late and I’m tired. Right now to my immediate right I have a symphony of purrs going, as in Faline and Charles…I’ve been thinking about my posts here and I feel a need to acknowledge these are all first world problems. There are people who live in squalor, without a roof over their heads or not knowing where their next meal is coming from. And they live that way all their lives. People who struggle with diesease or impairments that change the way they have to live. I think I’ve said this before, but Americans live a pretty cushioned life compared to say the majority of people in the rest of the global community. I want to be clear I’m not oblivious to the good in my life, I’m very grateful for the small things too…

Continue reading “Have you seen my doppelgänger?”

An addendum: Spelunking your soul

Travellers-

I had a thought last night after I closed my post and I think it bears worth saying, so here we go: We need to be able to listen to people speak their darkest pain in without freaking the f*ck out. You don’t have to be mentally ill or depresssed or have anxiety or ANYTHING mentally wrong to think about ending your life. Maybe read that again. Period.

Continue reading “An addendum: Spelunking your soul”